The Affectation of the Umlaut

Am I the only one who finds the New Yorker’s use of the “umlaut” an offensive affectation? Okay, okay, those pair of dots are really a “diaeresis” - I can’t show you (is it on my keyboard somewhere?) but when used by the New Yorker, e.g., on double consonants pronounced individually, they are actually little slashes higher above the letter than real umlaut dots would be. Just thought you’d like to know. Don’t want to be uncoöperative but aren’t they silly?